Campfire

I needed to confine myself to this tiny little circle in order to build myself up again. I can’t let you in yet. I don’t trust you. This is going to take time. I don’t know if it can be fixed. I don’t know if I want to fix it.

I don’t like you very much. I love you more than I have loved anyone else before, but I don’t like you very much right now. I guess I’m going to have to love you until I like you again. Maybe this is what being in love is all about. I can see every flaw in your surface and yet I still want you to be a part of me.

Why did this have to happen to us? I don’t understand how love can be so strong and still leave me so bereft of hope.

I want to hate you. You don’t even know how much I want to rip out my heart and leave it on the side of the road so there is no more reason to give you all of my hope.

I know this is as much my fault as it is yours. I take responsibility for my part of everything. It takes two to fight and I made sure to play my part, maybe too well.

Let me sit here, in my tiny little circle, licking my wounds and thinking about how I can remake myself. No, I still love you. That is part of the problem. Even if I allowed myself to be destroyed I would still love you. You are the world and I am just a small part of it.